Twelfth Night: Act 2, Scene 3
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW.
SIR TOBY BELCH
1 Approach, Sir Andrew: not to be abed after
2 midnight is to be up betimes; and 'diluculo
2. betimes: in good time. diluculo surgere: (The first two words of a Latin maxim which says, To get up at dawn is very healthful.)
3 surgere,' thou know'st, —
SIR ANDREW
4 Nay, my troth, I know not: but I know, to be up
4. by my troth: on my word.
5 late is to be up late.
SIR TOBY BELCH
6 A false conclusion: I hate it as an unfilled can.
6. can: tankard.
7 To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is
8 early: so that to go to bed after midnight is to go
9 to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the
10 four elements?
9-10. Does not our life consist of the four elements: 
earth, water, air, and fire.
earth, water, air, and fire. SIR ANDREW
11 Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists
12 of eating and drinking.
SIR TOBY BELCH
13 Thou'rt a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.
13. Thou'rt a scholar: i.e., You're so smart!.
14 Marian, I say! a stoup of wine!
14. stoup: large drinking cup.
Enter CLOWN.
SIR ANDREW
15 Here comes the fool, i' faith.
Clown
16 How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture
17 of 'we three'?
17. the picture of "we three": a picture of two fools or two asses (It's "we three" because the viewer is the third. The Clown is saying they're fools, too.)
SIR TOBY BELCH
18 Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.
18. catch: round. (A song in which two or more singers enter at different times, singing the same lyrics.)
SIR ANDREW
19 By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I
19. breast: breath, singing ability.
20 had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg,
20. such a leg: (Perhaps the Clown is showing his leg in an elaborate bow.)
21 and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In
22 sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last
22. gracious: delightful, inspired.
23 night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the
24 Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas
23-24. Pigrogromitus . . . Queubus: (The Clown is talking some nonsense that sounds astrological.) 24. equinoctial: equator of the heavens. 26. leman: sweetheart.
25 very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy
26 leman: hadst it?
Clown
27 I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose
27. impeticos thy gratillity: comic jargon.
28 is no whipstock: my lady has a white hand, and the
28. whipstock: whip handle.
29 Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.
29. Myrmidons: Achilles' troops. bottle-ale houses: low-class taverns, which sell bottled, rather than draft, ale 
"this is the best fooling"
"this is the best fooling" SIR ANDREW
30 Excellent! why, this is the best fooling, when all
31 is done. Now, a song.
SIR TOBY BELCH
32 Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a
33 song.
SIR ANDREW
34 There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a —
34. testril: (A "tester" is a coin worth sixpence; Sir Andrew imitates the Clown's invention of the word "gratillity" by changing "tester" into "testril.")
Clown
35 Would you have a love-song, or a song of good
36 life?
SIR TOBY BELCH
37 A love-song, a love-song.
SIR ANDREW
38 Ay, ay: I care not for good life.
38. good life: virtuous living.
Clown Sings.
39 O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
40 O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
41 That can sing both high and low:
42 Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
42. Trip: run lightly. sweeting: sweet one.
43 Journeys end in lovers meeting,
43. in lovers meeting: when lovers meet.
44 Every wise man's son doth know.
SIR ANDREW
45 Excellent good, i' faith.
SIR TOBY BELCH
46 Good, good.
Clown Sings.
47 What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
48 Present mirth hath present laughter;
49 What's to come is still unsure:
49. still: always.
50 In delay there lies no plenty;
51 Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
51. sweet and twenty: sweet and twenty times more sweet.
52 Youth's a stuff will not endure.
SIR ANDREW
53 A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.
SIR TOBY BELCH
54 A contagious breath.
54. contagious breath: catchy song; also stinking breath.
SIR ANDREW
55 Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.
SIR TOBY BELCH
56 To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion.
56. To . . . contagion: i.e., If the song could be heard via the nose, it would be sweetly stinking. 57. welkin: heavens.
57 But shall we make the welkin dance indeed?
58 shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch that
59 will draw three souls out of one weaver?
60 shall we do that?
SIR ANDREW
61 An you love me, let's do't: I am dog at a catch.
61. An: If. dog at: very good at.
Clown
62 By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.
62. By'r lady: By Our Lady, i.e., well said, you're so right, etc. some dogs will catch well some dogs will, and some won't;. 63. knave: rascal, upstart, cheat.
SIR ANDREW
63 Most certain. Let our catch be, 'Thou knave.'
Clown
64 'Hold thy peace, thou knave,' knight? I shall be
64. Hold thy peace: Be quiet, Shut up. Besides "Hold thy peace, thou knave," the only other words of the catch are, "and I prithee hold thy peace."
65 constrained in't to call thee knave, knight.
SIR ANDREW
66 'Tis not the first time I have constrained one
67 to call me knave. Begin, fool: it begins 'Hold
66-67. 'Tis . . . knave: (Sir Andrew means he has challenged men to duels by daring them to call him a knave, but what it sounds like is that he has done such stupid things that people have had to call him knave).
68 thy peace.'
Clown
69 I shall never begin if I hold my peace.
SIR ANDREW
70 Good, i' faith. Come, begin.
Catch sung.
Catch sung: (Here we hear two drunks and a fool sing a round in which each one tells the next one that he is a knave and should shut up.)
Enter MARIA.
MARIA
71 What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my
71. keep: keep up. Like "Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall," "Thou knave" can go on and on and on.
72 lady have not called up her steward Malvolio
73 and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust
74 me.
SIR TOBY BELCH
75 My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians,
75-76. My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians,/ Malvolio's a Peg-a-Ramsey: 76-77. 'Three merry men be we': A fragment of an old song.
76 Malvolio's a Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three
77 merry men be we.' Am not I consanguineous?
78 am I not of her blood? Tillyvally. Lady!
78. Tillyvally: nonsense, fiddle-faddle.
[Sings.]
79 'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'
79. 'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!': Another fragment from another old song.
Clown
80 Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.
80. Beshrew me: A mild oath, like "Dang me."
SIR ANDREW
81 Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and
81. be disposed: is in the mood.
82 so do I too: he does it with a better grace, but I
83 do it more natural.
83. natural: naturally. But a "natural" is an idiot, so Sir Andrew has once again made fun of himself without realizing it.
SIR TOBY BELCH [Sings]
84 'O, the twelfth day of December,' —
84. 'O, the twelfth day of December': Another fragment from an old song.
MARIA
85 For the love o' God, peace!
85. peace!: quiet!.
Enter MALVOLIO.
MALVOLIO
86 My masters, are you mad? or what are you?
87 Have ye no wit, manners, nor honesty, but
87. honesty: decency.
88 to gabble like tinkers at this time of night?
88. tinkers: Tinkers were reputed to be foul-mouthed drunkards.
89 Do ye make an alehouse of my lady's house,
90 that ye squeak out your coziers' catches without
90. coziers': cobblers'.
91 any mitigation or remorse of voice? Is there no
91. mitigation or remorse: lowering (of your voice) out of regard for others.
92 respect of place, persons, nor time in you?
SIR TOBY BELCH
93 We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!
93. Sneck up!: Go hang!.
MALVOLIO
94 Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady
94. round: blunt, up-front.
95 bade me tell you, that, though she harbours
95. bade: ordered. harbours you: gives you a place to stay.
96 you as her kinsman, she's nothing allied to
96. nothing allied to: no kin to.
97 your disorders. If you can separate yourself
98 and your misdemeanors, you are welcome
99 to the house; if not, an it would please you
99. an: if.
100 to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid
101 you farewell.
SIR TOBY BELCH [Sings.]
102 'Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.'
102. "Farewell . . . ": This and the following sung lines are from a sentimental ballad, Corydon's Farewell to Phillis.
MARIA
103 Nay, good Sir Toby.
Clown [Sings.]
104 'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'
MALVOLIO
105 Is't even so?
SIR TOBY BELCH [Sings.]
106 'But I will never die.'
Clown
107 Sir Toby, there you lie.
MALVOLIO
108 This is much credit to you.
108. credit: honor. Malvolio is being heavily ironic.
SIR TOBY BELCH [Sings.]
109 'Shall I bid him go?'
Clown [Sings.]
110 'What an if you do?'
110. an if: if.
SIR TOBY BELCH [Sings.]
111 'Shall I bid him go, and spare not?'
Clown [Sings.]
112 'O no, no, no, no, you dare not.'
SIR TOBY BELCH
113 [To Clown.] Out o' tune, sir: ye lie.
113. ye lie: you're lying (because I certainly do dare to tell Malvolio where to go).
114 [To Malvolio.]Art any more than a steward?
115 Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous,
116 there shall be no more cakes and ale?
116. cakes and ale: i.e., party food and drink.
Clown
117 Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be
117. Saint Anne: mother of the the Virgin. (Puritans objected to her cult.) ginger: commonly used to spice ale.
118 hot i' the mouth too.
SIR TOBY BELCH
119 Thou'rt i' the right. Go, sir, rub your chain
119. rub: to polish it. chain: i.e., the decorative chain that Malvolio wears as a badge of his office as steward to Olivia.
120 with crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!
MALVOLIO
121 Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour
122 at any thing more than contempt, you would
123 not give means for this uncivil rule: she shall
123. give means for this uncivil rule: i.e., provide the wine that lubricates this rowdy behavior. (Sir Toby has just called for wine, and Malvolio is outraged that Maria is serving it.)
124 know of it, by this hand.
Exit.
MARIA
125 Go shake your ears.
125. Go shake your ears: Since they are long ass's ears, they are shakeable.
SIR ANDREW
126 'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's
127 a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to
127. to challenge him the field: to challenge him to a duel.
128 break promise with him and make a fool of him.
128. break promise with him: i.e., not show up at the duel.
SIR TOBY BELCH
129 Do't, knight: I'll write thee a challenge: or I'll
130 deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
MARIA
131 Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight: since
132 the youth of the count's was today with thy lady,
133 she is much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio,
133. much out of quiet: upset, distracted.
134 let me alone with him: if I do not gull him into a
134. let me alone with him: leave him to me. gull: trick.
135 nayword, and make him a common recreation,
135. nayword: byword (for an ass). common recreation: general laughingstock.
136 do not think I have wit enough to lie straight in
137 my bed: I know I can do it.
SIR TOBY BELCH
138 Possess us, possess us; tell us something of
138. Possess us: Inform us, tell us your plan.
139 him.
MARIA
140 Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.
SIR ANDREW
141 O, if I thought that I'ld beat him like a dog!
SIR TOBY BELCH
142 What, for being a puritan? thy exquisite reason,
142. puritan: puritan; also of the Puritan party in the Anglican church. (Maybe Sir Andrew has a prejudice against the religious Puritans, but he's probably just shooting his mouth off.) exquisite: amusingly clever.
143 dear knight?
SIR ANDREW
144 I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason
145 good enough.
MARIA
146 The devil a puritan that he is, or any thing
146. The dev'l a puritan that he is: i.e., Like hell he's a puritan. 147. time-pleaser: suck-up. affectioned: affected.
147 constantly, but a time-pleaser; an affectioned ass,
148 that cons state without book and utters it by great
148. cons state without book: memorizes the sayings of great men. 148-149.utters it by great swarths: spews it out in huge chunks. 149. the best persuaded of himself: having such a high opinion of himself. 151. grounds of faith: fundamental belief.
149 swarths: the best persuaded of himself, so
150 crammed, as he thinks, with excellencies, that it is
151 his grounds of faith that all that look on him love
152 him; and on that vice in him will my revenge find
153 notable cause to work.
SIR TOBY BELCH
154 What wilt thou do?
MARIA
155 I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of
156 love; wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape
155-156. obscure epistles of love: ambiguously worded love-letters.
157 of his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure
158 of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find
158. complexion: general appearance.
159 himself most feelingly personated. I can write very
159. most feelingly personated: exactly represented.
160 like my lady your niece: on a forgotten matter we
160. a forgotten matter: i.e., anything written so long ago that they can't remember who wrote it. 161. our hands: our handwriting.
161 can hardly make distinction of our hands.
SIR TOBY BELCH
162 Excellent! I smell a device.
162. device: trick, plot.
SIR ANDREW
163 I have't in my nose too.
SIR TOBY BELCH
164 He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop,
165 that they come from my niece, and that she's in
166 love with him.
MARIA
167 My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.
SIR ANDREW
168 And your horse now would make him an ass.
MARIA
169 Ass, I doubt not.
169. Ass, I doubt not: Maria has no doubt that both Malvolio and Sir Andrew meet the definition of an ass.
SIR ANDREW
170 O, 'twill be admirable!
MARIA
171 Sport royal, I warrant you: I know my physic
171. physic: medicine, especially the kind that causes vomiting, etc.
172 will work with him. I will plant you two, and
173 let the fool make a third, where he shall find
173. let . . . third: (The Clown has left, so Fabian, not the Clown, joins Toby and Andrew in observing Malvolio.) 174. construction: interpretation. 175. event: the outcome (of the trick to be played on.
174 the letter: observe his construction of it. For
175 this night, to bed, and dream on the event.
176 Farewell.
Exit.
SIR TOBY BELCH
177 Good night, Penthesilea.
177. Penthesilea: Queen of the Amazons. (Sir Toby is making an affectionate joke. Penthesila was large and fierce; Maria is small, but just as fierce.)
SIR ANDREW
178 Before me, she's a good wench.
178. Before me: i.e., on my soul.
SIR TOBY BELCH
179 She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores
179. a beagle, true-bred: i.e., a good companion and hunter, just like a purebred beagle. 180. What o' that?: (Sir Toby seems puzzled by Maria's affection for him.)
180 me. What o' that?
SIR ANDREW
181 I was adored once too.
181. I was adored once too: (Poor Sir Andrew!).
SIR TOBY BELCH
182 Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for
183 more money.
SIR ANDREW
184 If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way
184. recover: win.
185 out.
184-185. a foul way out: stuck in the mud and off course. (Sir Andrew needs Olivia's money.)
SIR TOBY BELCH
186 Send for money, knight: if thou hast her not i'
187 the end, call me cut.
187. cut: A term of abuse, perhaps derived from the use of "cut" to refer to a poor quality horse, one that has had its tail docked or been gelded.
SIR ANDREW
188 If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.
SIR TOBY BELCH
189 Come, come, I'll go burn some sack; 'tis too late
189. burn: warm up. sack: a Spanish wine.
190 to go to bed now: come, knight; come, knight.
Exeunt.