Twelfth Night: Act 2, Scene 5
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW,
and FABIAN.
SIR TOBY BELCH
1 Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.
1. Come thy ways: come on, let's go.
FABIAN
2 Nay, I'll come: if I lose a scruple of this sport,
2. Nay: i.e., Don't worry. a scruple: the least little bit.
3 let me be boiled to death with melancholy.
3. boiled: [With a pun on "bile." An excess of black bile, one of the four essential humours (fluids) of the body, was thought to be the cause of melancholy.]
SIR TOBY BELCH
4 Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly
5 rascally sheep-biter come by some notable
5. sheep-biter: (Literally, a dog that attacks sheep; metaphorically, a mean person who nips at the heels of the innocent.)
6 shame?
FABIAN
7 I would exult, man: you know, he brought me out
8 o' favour with my lady about a bear-baiting here.
8. bear-baiting: (A brutal entertainment in which a chained bear is attacked by dogs.)
SIR TOBY BELCH
9 To anger him we'll have the bear again; and we
9. have . . . again: bring back.
10 will fool him black and blue: shall we not,
10. fool: mock, make a fool of. black and blue: i.e., like a person who has suffered a beating.
11 Sir Andrew?
SIR ANDREW
12 An we do not, it is pity of our lives.
12. it is pity of our lives: i.e., it'll be a crying shame.
Enter MARIA.
SIR TOBY BELCH
13 Here comes the little villain.
13. villain: (Said admiringly.)
14 How now, my metal of India!
14. metal of India: i.e., gold (Maria is as good as gold.)
MARIA
15 Get ye all three into the box-tree: Malvolio's
15. box-tree: (Maybe a hedge; the shrubs known as "box" are still used for hedges.)
16 coming down this walk: he has been yonder
17 i' the sun practising behavior to his own shadow
17. behavior: exquiste manners, such as bowing and hand-kissing .
18 this half hour: observe him, for the love of mockery;
19 for I know this letter will make a contemplative
19. contemplative: thoughtful.
20 idiot of him. Close, in the name of jesting!
20. Close: Keep hidden.
21 Lie thou there, [Throws down a letter.] for here
21. Lie thou there: Said to the letter that Maria is throwing to the ground.
22 comes the trout that must be caught with tickling.
22. tickling: Literally, stroking about the gills—something that was actually done to catch trout.
[The men hide.]
Exit [Maria].
Enter MALVOLIO.
MALVOLIO
23 'Tis but fortune; all is fortune. Maria once told
23. 'Tis . . . fortune: 
It is all a matter of luck. 24. she: i.e.,Olivia. did affect me: was fond of me.
It is all a matter of luck. 24. she: i.e.,Olivia. did affect me: was fond of me. 24 me she did affect me: and I have heard herself
25 come thus near, that, should she fancy, it should
26 be one of my complexion. Besides, she uses me
27 with a more exalted respect than any one else
28 that follows her. What should I think on't?
28. follows her: serves her.
SIR TOBY BELCH
29 Here's an overweening rogue!
29. overweening: arrogant, presumptuous.
FABIAN
30 O, peace! Contemplation makes a rare
30. Contemplation: thought, conjecture, day-dreaming.
31 turkey-cock of him: how he jets under his
31. jets: struts.
32 advanced plumes!
32. advanced plumes: feathers fluffed out (to make the turkey look more impressive).
SIR ANDREW
33 'Slight, I could so beat the rogue!
33. 'Slight: By God's light—a mild oath.
SIR TOBY BELCH
34 Peace, I say.
34. Peace: Shut up. (Said to Sir Andrew.)
MALVOLIO
35 To be Count Malvolio!
SIR TOBY BELCH
36 Ah, rogue!
SIR ANDREW
37 Pistol him, pistol him.
37. Pistol him: Pistol-whip him.
SIR TOBY BELCH
38 Peace, peace!
MALVOLIO
39 There is example for't; the lady of the Strachy
40 married the yeoman of the wardrobe.
39. example: precedent. for't: for it (i.e., for a lady marrying a servant). 39-40. the lady of the Strachy / married the yeoman of the wardrobe: yeoman of the wardrobe: a servant who supervised the care of clothing and linen. 41. Jezebel: arrogant and cruel wife of Ahab, King of Israel. (But does Sir Andrew know that Jezebel was a woman?) SIR ANDREW
41 Fie on him, Jezebel!
FABIAN
42 O, peace! now he's deeply in: look how
43 imagination blows him.
43. blows him: puffs him up.
MALVOLIO
44 Having been three months married to her,
45 sitting in my state, —
45. sitting in my state: i.e., on the court chair of, and dressed in the robes of, a Count (since Olivia is a Countess).
SIR TOBY BELCH
46 O, for a stone-bow, to hit him in the eye!
46. stone-bow: crossbow used to shoot stones.
MALVOLIO
47 Calling my officers about me, in my branched
47. officers: household staff. branched: embroidered with branches of leaves and flowers. 48. day-bed: couch. (Malvolio may be thinking that his love will have left Olivia very satisfied.)
48 velvet gown; having come from a day-bed, where
49 I have left Olivia sleeping, —
SIR TOBY BELCH
50 Fire and brimstone!
FABIAN
51 O, peace, peace!
MALVOLIO
52 And then to have the humour of state; and
52. the humour of state: the manner of the powerful.
53 after a demure travel of regard — telling
53. demure travel of regard: grave visual examination of all present. telling . . . place: (It is his "demure travel of regard" that tells everyone that Malvolio has the "place" of a Count.)
54 them I know my place as I would they should
55 do theirs — to ask for my kinsman Toby, —
SIR TOBY BELCH
56 Bolts and shackles!
56. Bolts and shackles: leg irons (Sir Toby thinks Malvolio ought to be locked up.)
FABIAN
57 O peace, peace, peace! now, now.
MALVOLIO
58 Seven of my people, with an obedient start,
58. start: jump (as in "jump to it").
59 make out for him: I frown the while; and
59. make out for: go after.
60 perchance wind up my watch, or play with my
61 — some rich jewel. Toby approaches; curtsies
61. play with my . . . jewel: (Malvolio was thinking of his steward's chain, but remembers that he'll be a Count.) curtsies: bows, and other signs of respect.
62 there to me, —
SIR TOBY BELCH
63 Shall this fellow live?
FABIAN
64 Though our silence be drawn from us with cars,
64. be drawn . . . with cars: i.e., kept only with a great struggle .
65 yet peace.
MALVOLIO
66 I extend my hand to him thus, quenching my
67 familiar smile with an austere regard of control, —
67. austere regard of control: severe look of authority.
SIR TOBY BELCH
68 And does not Toby take you a blow o' the lips then?
68. take you a blow o': give you a punch on.
MALVOLIO
69 Saying, 'Cousin Toby, my fortunes having cast me
70 on your niece give me this prerogative of speech,' —
70. give me this prerogative of speech: i.e., you must acknowledge my right to give you a talking-to.
SIR TOBY BELCH
71 What, what?
71. What, what?: i.e., What even more outrageous thing is he going to say next?.
MALVOLIO
72 'You must amend your drunkenness.'
SIR TOBY BELCH
73 Out, scab!
73. Out: Begone, Get out of my sight. scab: scurvy rascal.
FABIAN
74 Nay, patience, or we break the sinews of our
75 plot.
MALVOLIO
76 'Besides, you waste the treasure of your time
77 with a foolish knight,' —
SIR ANDREW
78 That's me, I warrant you.
78. warrant: promise.
MALVOLIO
79 'One Sir Andrew,' —
SIR ANDREW
80 I knew 'twas I; for many do call me fool.
MALVOLIO
81 What employment have we here?
81. employment: business.
Taking up the letter.
FABIAN
82 Now is the woodcock near the gin.
82. woodcock: a really stupid bird. gin: trap. SIR TOBY BELCH
83 O, peace! and the spirit of humour intimate
84 reading aloud to him!
MALVOLIO
85 By my life, this is my lady's hand these be
86 her very C's, her U's and her T's and thus
86. thus: Malvolio demonstrates—he may hold out his hand to be kissed, rather than shaken. 87. great: upper-case.
87 makes she her great P's. It is, in contempt
88 of question, her hand.
88. in contempt of question: without a doubt. hand: handwriting.
SIR ANDREW
89 Her C's, her U's and her T's: why that?
89. Her C's, her U's and her T's: ("Cut" was slang for female privates.)
MALVOLIO [Reads]
90 'To the unknown beloved, this, and my
90. unknown beloved: secret love.
91 good wishes:' — her very phrases! By
92 your leave, wax. Soft! and the impressure
91-92. By your leave: With your permission (He's talking to the letter as he opens it.) 92. Soft: wait a minute. impressure: impression in the wax seal. 93. Lucrece: Lucretia, emblem of chastity.
93 her Lucrece, with which she uses to seal:
94 'tis my lady. To whom should this be?
FABIAN
95 This wins him, liver and all.
95. wins him: gets him. liver: The organ of love.
MALVOLIO [Reads]
96 'Jove knows I love:
97 But who?
98 Lips, do not move;
99 No man must know.'
100 'No man must know.' What follows? The
101 numbers altered! 'No man must know:'
101. numbers altered: meter changed. Maybe Malvolio is thinking that, if said just right, No man must know, sounds like Mal-vol-i-o.
102 if this should be thee, Malvolio?
SIR TOBY BELCH
103 Marry, hang thee, brock!
103. brock: badger, a stinking beast.
MALVOLIO [Reads]
104 'I may command where I adore;
104. where: i.e., the person whom.
105 But silence, like a Lucrece knife,
105. Lucrece knife: (After being raped by Tarquin, Lucretia stabbed herself to death.)
106 With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore:
107 M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.'
FABIAN
108 A fustian riddle!
108. fustian: high-sounding, but empty—so perfect for Malvolio.
SIR TOBY BELCH
109 Excellent wench, say I.
109. Excellent wench: i.e., Maria, who wrote the letter.
MALVOLIO
110 'M, O, A, I, doth sway my life.' Nay, but first,
111 let me see, let me see, let me see.
FABIAN
112 What dish o' poison has she dressed him!
112. What: What a. she dressed him: she has prepared for him.
SIR TOBY BELCH
113 And with what wing the staniel cheques at it!
113. wing: flight, speed. staniel: an inferior hawk.cheques at it: goes for it. (When a hawk cheques, it turns and goes after the wrong target.)
MALVOLIO
114 'I may command where I adore.' Why, she
115 may command me: I serve her; she is my lady.
116 Why, this is evident to any formal capacity;
116. formal capacity: normal understanding.
117 there is no obstruction in this: and the end,
117. obstruction: difficulty, obstacle.
118 — what should that alphabetical position
118. alphabetical position: arrangement of the letters.
119 portend? If I could make that resemble
120 something in me, — Softly! M, O, A, I, —
120. Softly!: Slowly! Carefully!.
SIR TOBY BELCH
121 O, ay, make up that: he is now at a cold scent.
121. O, ay: (Toby is mocking Malvolio's reading.) make up that: make something out of that. cold scent: faint, deceptive trail.
FABIAN
122 Sowter will cry upon't for all this, though
122. Sowter: (Typical name of a stupid hunting dog.)
123 it be as rank as a fox.
123. will . . . fox: despite the fact that the trail is cold, he will give tongue as though he had found the true scent, even though the deception stinks like a fox.
MALVOLIO
124 M, — Malvolio; M, — why, that begins my
125 name.
FABIAN
126 Did not I say he would work it out? the cur is
127 excellent at faults.
127. faults: places where the trail of scent is broken. (Fabian means that Malvolio will read the letter to suit himself, no matter what.)
MALVOLIO
128 M, — but then there is no consonancy in the
128. consonancy: agreement, consistency.
129 sequel; that suffers under probation A should
129. sequel; that suffers under probation: following letters which are subject to examination. (What's funny about this speech is that Malvolio uses many high-flown, legalistic words to say the obvious.)
130 follow but O does.
FABIAN
131 And O shall end, I hope.
131. O shall end: i.e., O, the hangman's noose, will put an end to him, and/or this joke will end in a cry of pain "O," when Malvolio discovers the truth.
SIR TOBY BELCH
132 Ay, or I'll cudgel him, and make him cry O!
MALVOLIO
133 And then I comes behind.
FABIAN
134 Ay, an you had any eye behind you, you might
134. an: if. any eye behind you: i.e., an eye in the back of your head. 135. detraction: insults, mockery. fortunes: good luck, rewards. before you: in front of you.
135 see more detraction at your heels than fortunes
136 before you.
MALVOLIO
137 M, O, A, I; this simulation is not as the former:
137. simulation: disguised meaning.
138 and yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me,
138. crush: force. bow: yield.
139 for every one of these letters are in my name.
140 Soft! here follows prose.
140. Soft: hold on, wait a minute, etc.
[Reads.]
141 'If this fall into thy hand, revolve. In my stars
141. revolve: think things over. stars: fortune.
142 I am above thee; but be not afraid of greatness:
143 some are born great, some achieve greatness,
144 and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. Thy
145 Fates open their hands; let thy blood and spirit
145. open their hands: (They're in a giving mood.) thy blood and spirit: i.e., every fiber of your being.
146 embrace them; and, to inure thyself to what
147 thou art like to be, cast thy humble slough and
147. cast thy humble slough Literally, a "slough" is the discarded skin of a snake. 148. opposite: contrary.
148 appear fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman, surly
149 with servants; let thy tongue tang arguments of
149. tang: sound loud with. 149-150. arguments of state: political opinions. 150. trick: habit. singularity: uniqueness, eccentricity.
150 state; put thyself into the trick of singularity:
151 she thus advises thee that sighs for thee.
152 Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,
153 and wished to see thee ever cross-gartered: I say,
153. ever: always. cross-gartered:
154. Go to: i.e., wake up. thou art made: i.e., you are assured of being a gentleman. 155. still: always. 156. fellow: companion.
154. Go to: i.e., wake up. thou art made: i.e., you are assured of being a gentleman. 155. still: always. 156. fellow: companion.154 remember. Go to, thou art made, if thou desirest
155 to be so; if not, let me see thee a steward still,
156 the fellow of servants, andnot worthy to touch
157 Fortune's fingers. Farewell.
158 She that would alter services with thee,
158. alter services: (Malvolio now serves Olivia; if they married, she would serve him.)
159 THE FORTUNATE-UNHAPPY.'
160 Daylight and champaign discovers not more: this
160. champaign: open country. discovers: reveals.
161 is open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors,
161. open: obvious. politic authors:
162 I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross
162. baffle: put down. wash off: get rid of. gross: lowly,ignorant.
163 acquaintance, I will be point-devise the very man.
163. point-devise the very man: exactly the man, to the letter. 164. jade: trick.
164 I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade
165 me; for every reason excites to this, that my lady
165. every reason excites to: all the evidence points to.
166 loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings
167 of late, she did praise my leg being cross-gartered;
168 and in this she manifests herself to my love, and
169 with a kind of injunction drives me to these habits
170 of her liking. I thank my stars I am happy. I will
170. happy: fortunate.
171 be strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and
171. strange: aloof. stout: haughty.
172 cross-gartered, even with the swiftness of putting
173 on. Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a
174 postscript.
[Reads.]
175 'Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou
176 entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling;
176. entertainest: accept.
177 thy smiles become thee well; therefore in my
178 presence still smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.'
179 Jove, I thank thee: I will smile; I will do
180 everything that thou wilt have me.
Exit.
FABIAN
181 I will not give my part of this sport for a
182 pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.
182. the Sophy: the Shah of Persia.
SIR TOBY BELCH
183 I could marry this wench for this device.
183. this wench: i.e., Maria.
SIR ANDREW
184 So could I too.
SIR TOBY BELCH
185 And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.
SIR ANDREW
186 Nor I neither.
FABIAN
187 Here comes my noble gull-catcher.
187. gull-catcher: tricker of suckers.
Enter MARIA.
SIR TOBY BELCH
188 Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?
188. o': on. Toby is saying, "You're the boss!"
SIR ANDREW
189 Or o' mine either?
SIR TOBY BELCH
190 Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip, and become
190. play: gamble. tray-trip: a dice game.
191 thy bond-slave?
SIR ANDREW
192 I' faith, or I either?
SIR TOBY BELCH
193 Why, thou hast put him in such a dream, that
194 when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.
194. when the image of it leaves him: i.e., when Malvolio learns the truth.= . . .
MARIA
195 Nay, but say true; does it work upon him?
SIR TOBY BELCH
196 Like aqua-vitae with a midwife.
196. aqua-vitae: brandy, whisky, etc. midwife: (Apparently it didn't take much to make a midwife drunk.)
MARIA
197 If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark
198 his first approach before my lady: he will come to
199 her in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she
200 abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests;
201 and he will smile upon her, which will now be so
202 unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a
203 melancholy as she is, that it cannot but turn him
204 into a notable contempt. If you will see it, follow
204. notable contempt: common object of scorn.
205 me.
SIR TOBY BELCH
206 To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!
206. Tartar: Tartarus, hell.
SIR ANDREW
207 I'll make one too.
207. make one: be one of the group (of those who will see Malvolio make a fool of himself).
Exeunt.