All's Well that Ends Well is about love denied
And an ungrateful husband who refused to comply
With a gracious king's wishes for him to be paired
With the virtuous Helen, so modest and fair.
He thought he was better, more noble than she,
But the king forced his hand into matrimony.
Disgusted, he swore that although he had to wed
That he'd never love her or take her to bed;
He wrote her a letter then ran away
To the Florentine wars and adulterous play.
Poor Helen fled France in heartbreak and shame
And met a young woman who knew Bertram's name.
Her two timing husband had tried to seduce
This pretty young virgin for his personal use.
The two got to talking and came up with a plan
For Helen to reclaim her wayward husband
The young maid Diana would set up a tryst
And in the darkness of night it'd be Helen he kissed.
Though the Count's oath to Helen was empty and vain
He was forced to make good on his vows just the same.
He was fooled into helping his new wife conceive,
And by indrect nature, he gave her his ring.
When the plot was revealed that Bertram was beguiled
He was oddly impressed by his wife's clever wile.
So what can we learn from Helen's upper climb?
That girls fell for scumbags even in Shakespeare's time!