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The Tempest: Act 2, Scene 2

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           Enter CALIBAN with a burden of wood.
           A noise of thunder heard.

      CALIBAN
  1   All the infections that the sun sucks up
  2   From bogs, fens, flats, on Prosper fall and make him
  3   By inch-meal a disease! His spirits hear me
  4   And yet I needs must curse. But they'll nor pinch,
  5   Fright me with urchin-shows, pitch me i' the mire,
  6   Nor lead me, like a firebrand, in the dark
  7   Out of my way, unless he bid 'em; but
  8   For every trifle are they set upon me;
  9   Sometime like apes that mow and chatter at me
 10   And after bite me, then like hedgehogs which
 11   Lie tumbling in my barefoot way and mount
 12   Their pricks at my footfall; sometime am I
 13   All wound with adders who with cloven tongues
 14   Do hiss me into madness.

           Enter TRINCULO.

 14                                         Lo, now, lo!
 15   Here comes a spirit of his, and to torment me
 16   For bringing wood in slowly. I'll fall flat;
 17   Perchance he will not mind me.


      TRINCULO
 18   Here's neither bush nor shrub, to bear off any
 19   weather at all, and another storm brewing; I hear it
 20   sing i' the wind: yond same black cloud, yond
 21   huge one, looks like a foul bombard that would shed
 22   his liquor. If it should thunder as it did before, I know
 23   not where to hide my head: yond same cloud cannot
 24   choose but fall by pailfuls. What have we here?
 25   a man or a fish? dead or alive? A fish: he smells
 26   like a fish; a very ancient and fish-like smell; a kind of
 27   not of the newest Poor-John. A strange fish! Were I
 28   in England now, as once I was, and had but this fish
 29   painted, not a holiday fool there but would give a piece
 30   of silver: there would this monster make a man;
 31   any strange beast there makes a man: when they will
 32   not give a doit to relieve a lame beggar, they will lay
 33   out ten to see a dead Indian. Legged like a man and
 34   his fins like arms!

           [Trinculo touches a leg or arm of Caliban.]

 34                                 Warm o' my troth! I do now let
 35   loose my opinion; hold it no longer: this is no fish,
 36   but an islander, that hath lately suffered by a thunderbolt.

           Thunder.

 37   Alas, the storm is come again! my
 38   best way is to creep under his gaberdine; there is no
 39   other shelter hereabouts: misery acquaints a man with
 40   strange bed-fellows. I will here shroud till the dregs of
 41   the storm be past.

           Enter STEPHANO, singing,
           [a bottle in his hand].

      STEPHANO
 42         "I shall no more to sea, to sea,
 43         Here shall I die ashore—"
 44   This is a very scurvy tune to sing at a man's
 45   funeral: well, here's my comfort.

           Drinks.

           (Sings.)

 46         "The master, the swabber, the boatswain and I,
 47         The gunner and his mate
 48      Loved Mall, Meg and Marian and Margery,
 49         But none of us cared for Kate;
 50         For she had a tongue with a tang,
 51         Would cry to a sailor, Go hang!
 52      She loved not the savour of tar nor of pitch,
 53      Yet a tailor might scratch her where'er she did itch:
 54         Then to sea, boys, and let her go hang!"
 55   This is a scurvy tune too: but here's my comfort.

           Drinks.

      CALIBAN
 56   Do not torment me: Oh!

      STEPHANO
 57   What's the matter? Have we devils here? Do you
 58   put tricks upon's with savages and men of Ind, ha?
 59   I have not scaped drowning to be afeard now of your
 60   four legs; for it hath been said, "As proper a man as
 61   ever went on four legs cannot make him give ground";
 62   and it shall be said so again while Stephano
 63   breathes at's nostrils.

      CALIBAN
 64   The spirit torments me; Oh!

      STEPHANO
 65   This is some monster of the isle with four legs, who
 66   hath got, as I take it, an ague. Where the devil
 67   should he learn our language? I will give him some
 68   relief, if it be but for that. if I can recover him
 69   and keep him tame and get to Naples with him, he's a
 70   present for any emperor that ever trod on neat's leather.

      CALIBAN
 71   Do not torment me, prithee; I'll bring my
 72   wood home faster.

      STEPHANO
 73   He's in his fit now and does not talk after the
 74   wisest. He shall taste of my bottle: if he have
 75   never drunk wine afore will go near to remove his
 76   fit. If I can recover him and keep him tame, I will
 77   not take too much for him; he shall pay for him that
 78   hath him, and that soundly.

      CALIBAN
 79   Thou dost me yet but little hurt; thou wilt
 80   anon, I know it by thy trembling: now Prosper works
 81   upon thee.

      STEPHANO
 82   Come on your ways; open your mouth; here is that
 83   which will give language to you, cat: open your
 84   mouth; this will shake your shaking, I can tell you,
 85   and that soundly: you cannot tell who's your friend:
 86   open your chaps again.

           [Caliban drinks.]

      TRINCULO
 87   I should know that voice: it should be—but he is
 88   drowned; and these are devils: O defend me!

      STEPHANO
 89   Four legs and two voices: a most delicate monster!
 90   His forward voice now is to speak well of his
 91   friend; his backward voice is to utter foul speeches
 92   and to detract. If all the wine in my bottle will
 93   recover him, I will help his ague. Come.

           [Caliban drinks again]

 94   Amen! I will pour some in thy other
 95   mouth.

      TRINCULO
 96   Stephano!

      STEPHANO
 97   Doth thy other mouth call me? Mercy, mercy! This is
 98   a devil, and no monster: I will leave him; I have no
 99   long spoon.

      TRINCULO
100   Stephano! If thou beest Stephano, touch me and
101   speak to me: for I am Trinculo—be not afeard—thy
102   good friend Trinculo.

      STEPHANO
103   If thou beest Trinculo, come forth: I'll pull thee
104   by the lesser legs: if any be Trinculo's legs,
105   these are they. Thou art very Trinculo indeed! How
106   camest thou to be the siege of this moon-calf? can
107   he vent Trinculos?

      TRINCULO
108   I took him to be killed with a thunder-stroke. But
109   art thou not drowned, Stephano? I hope now thou art
110   not drowned. Is the storm overblown? I hid me
111   under the dead moon-calf's gaberdine for fear of
112   the storm. And art thou living, Stephano? O
113   Stephano, two Neapolitans 'scaped!

      STEPHANO
114   Prithee, do not turn me about; my stomach is
115   not constant.

      CALIBAN [Aside]
116   These be fine things, an if they be not sprites.
117   That's a brave god and bears celestial liquor.
118   I will kneel to him.

      STEPHANO
119   How didst thou 'scape? How camest thou hither?
120   swear by this bottle how thou camest hither. I
121   escaped upon a butt of sack which the sailors
122   heaved o'erboard, by this bottle; which I made of
123   the bark of a tree with mine own hands since I was
124   cast ashore.

      CALIBAN
125   I'll swear upon that bottle to be thy true subject;
126   for the liquor is not earthly.

      STEPHANO
127   Here; swear then how thou escapedst.

      TRINCULO
128   Swum ashore. man, like a duck: I can swim like a
129   duck, I'll be sworn.

      STEPHANO
130   Here, kiss the book.

           [Passing the bottle.]

131   Though thou canst swim like a duck, thou art made
132   like a goose.

      TRINCULO
133   O Stephano, hast any more of this?

      STEPHANO
134   The whole butt, man: my cellar is in a rock by the
135   sea-side where my wine is hid. How now, moon-calf!
136   how does thine ague?

      CALIBAN
137   Hast thou not dropp'd from heaven?

      STEPHANO
138   Out o' the moon, I do assure thee: I was the man i'
139   the moon when time was.

      CALIBAN
140   I have seen thee in her and I do adore thee:
141   My mistress show'd me thee and thy dog and thy bush.

      STEPHANO
142   Come, swear to that; kiss the book: I will furnish
143   it anon with new contents. Swear!

           [Caliban drinks.]

      TRINCULO
144   By this good light, this is a very shallow monster!
145   I afeard of him! A very weak monster! The man i'
146   the moon! A most poor credulous monster!
147   Well drawn, monster, in good sooth!

      CALIBAN
148   I'll show thee every fertile inch o' th' island;
149   And I will kiss thy foot: I prithee, be my god.

      TRINCULO
150   By this light, a most perfidious and drunken
151   monster! When 's god's asleep, he'll rob his bottle.

      CALIBAN
152   I'll kiss thy foot; I'll swear myself thy subject.

      STEPHANO
153   Come on then; down, and swear.

      TRINCULO
154   I shall laugh myself to death at this puppy-headed
155   monster. A most scurvy monster! I could find in my
156   heart to beat him,—

      STEPHANO
157   Come, kiss.

      TRINCULO
158   But that the poor monster's in drink: an
159   abominable monster!

      CALIBAN
160   I'll show thee the best springs; I'll pluck thee berries;
161   I'll fish for thee and get thee wood enough.
162   A plague upon the tyrant that I serve!
163   I'll bear him no more sticks, but follow thee,
164   Thou wondrous man.

      TRINCULO
165   A most ridiculous monster, to make a wonder of a
166   Poor drunkard!

      CALIBAN
167   I prithee, let me bring thee where crabs grow;
168   And I with my long nails will dig thee pignuts;
169   Show thee a jay's nest and instruct thee how
170   To snare the nimble marmoset; I'll bring thee
171   To clustering filberts and sometimes I'll get thee
172   Young scamels from the rock. Wilt thou go with me?

      STEPHANO
173   I prithee now, lead the way without any more
174   talking. Trinculo, the king and all our company
175   else being drowned, we will inherit here. Here,
176   bear my bottle: fellow Trinculo, we'll fill him by
177   and by again.

      CALIBAN (Sings drunkenly.)
178   Farewell master; farewell, farewell!

      TRINCULO
179   A howling monster: a drunken monster!

      CALIBAN
180      No more dams I'll make for fish
181        Nor fetch in firing
182        At requiring;
183      Nor scrape trenchering, nor wash dish
184        'Ban, 'Ban, Cacaliban
185        Has a new master: get a new man.
186   Freedom, hey-day! hey-day, freedom! freedom,
187   hey-day, freedom!

      STEPHANO
188   O brave monster! Lead the way.

           Exeunt.