The First Part of Henry IV:
Act 2, Scene 1
* Enter a CARRIER with a lantern in his hand.
First Carrier
1 Heigh-ho! an it be not four by the day, I'll be
2 hanged: Charles' wain is over the new chimney, and
3 yet our horse not packed. What, ostler!
4 Anon, anon.
First Carrier
5 I prithee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few flocks
6 in the point; poor jade, is wrung in the withers out
7 of all cess.
Second Carrier
8 Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog,
9 and that is the next way to give poor jades the
10 bots: this house is turned upside down since Robin
11 Ostler died.
First Carrier
12 Poor fellow, never joyed since the price of oats
13 rose; it was the death of him.
Second Carrier
14 I think this be the most villanous house in all
15 London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench.
First Carrier
16 Like a tench! by the mass, there is ne'er a
17 king christen could be better bit than I have been since
18 the first cock.
Second Carrier
19 Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and then we
20 leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie breeds
21 fleas like a loach.
First Carrier
22 What, ostler! come away and be hanged!
23 come away.
Second Carrier
24 I have a gammon of bacon and two razes of ginger,
25 to be delivered as far as Charing-cross.
First Carrier
26 God's body! the turkeys in my pannier are quite
27 starved. What, ostler! A plague on thee! hast thou
28 never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An
29 'twere not as good deed as drink, to break the pate
30 on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged!
31 hast thou no faith in thee?
GADSHILL
32 Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock?
First Carrier
33 I think it be two o'clock.
GADSHILL
34 I pray thee lend me thy lantern, to see my gelding
35 in the stable.
First Carrier
36 Nay, by God, soft; I know a trick worth
37 two of that, i' faith.
GADSHILL
38 I pray thee, lend me thine.
Second Carrier
39 Ay, when? can'st tell? Lend me thy lantern, quoth
40 he? marry, I'll see thee hanged first.
GADSHILL
41 Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to
42 come to London?
Second Carrier
43 Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant
44 thee. Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up the
45 gentleman: they will along with company, for they
46 have great charge.
GADSHILL
47 What, ho! chamberlain!
Chamberlain
48 At hand, quoth pick-purse.
GADSHILL
49 That's even as fair as—at hand, quoth the
50 chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking
51 of purses than giving direction doth from laboring;
52 thou layest the plot how.
Chamberlain
53 Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that
54 I told you yesternight: there's a franklin in the
55 wild of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with
56 him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his
57 company last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one
58 that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what.
59 They are up already, and call for eggs and butter;
60 they will away presently.
GADSHILL
61 Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas'
62 clerks, I'll give thee this neck.
Chamberlain
63 No, I'll none of it: I pray thee keep that for the
64 hangman; for I know thou worshippest St. Nicholas
65 as truly as a man of falsehood may.
GADSHILL
66 What talkest thou to me of the hangman?
67 if I hang, I'll make a fat pair of gallows; for if I hang,
68 old Sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he is no
69 starveling. Tut! there are other Troyans that
70 thou dreamest not of, the which for sport sake are
71 content to do the profession some grace; that would, if
72 matters should be looked into, for their own credit sake,
73 make all whole. I am joined with no foot-land rakers,
74 no long-staff sixpenny strikers, none of these mad
75 mustachio purple-hued malt-worms; but with nobility
76 and tranquillity, burgomasters and great oneyers,
77 such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than
78 speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner
79 than pray: and yet, zounds, I lie; for they pray
80 continually to their saint, the commonwealth; or
81 rather, not pray to her, but prey on her, for they ride
82 up and down on her and make her their boots.
Chamberlain
83 What, the commonwealth their boots? will she
84 hold out water in foul way?
GADSHILL
85 She will, she will; justice hath liquored her. We
86 steal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the
87 receipt of fern-seed, we walk invisible.
Chamberlain
88 Nay, by my faith, I think you are more
89 beholding to the night than to fern-seed for your
90 walking invisible.
GADSHILL
91 Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in our
92 purchase, as I am a true man.
Chamberlain
93 Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false
94 thief.
GADSHILL
95 Go to; 'homo' is a common name to all men. Bid the
96 ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell,
97 you muddy knave.