The First Part of Henry IV:
Act 2, Scene 2
Enter PRINCE, PETO, and [BARDOLPH, with]
POINS [following just behind].
POINS
1 Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff's
2 horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.
PRINCE HENRY
3 Stand close.
FALSTAFF
4 Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!
PRINCE HENRY [Coming forward.]
5 Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling dost
6 thou keep!
FALSTAFF
7 Where's Poins, Hal?
PRINCE HENRY
8 He is walked up to the top of the hill: I'll
9 go seek him.
FALSTAFF
10 I am accursed to rob in that thief's company:
11 the rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I
12 know not where. If I travel but four foot by the squier
13 further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt
14 not but to die a fair death for all this, if I 'scape hanging
15 for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his
16 company hourly any time this two and twenty years,
17 and yet I am bewitched with the rogue's company.
18 If the rascal hath not given me medicines to make me
19 love him, I'll be hanged; it could not be else: I have
20 drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! a plague upon you
21 both! Bardolph! Peto! I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot
22 further. An 'twere not as good a deed as drink, to
23 turn true man and to leave these rogues, I am the
24 veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight
25 yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles
26 afoot with me;
and the stony-hearted villains know it
27 well enough:
a plague upon it when thieves cannot be
28 true one to another! (They whistle.) Whew! A plague
29 upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues; give me
30 my horse, and be hanged!
PRINCE HENRY [Coming forward.]
31 Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close
32 to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread
33 of travellers.
FALSTAFF
34 Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down?
35 'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot
36 again for all the coin in thy father's exchequer.
37 What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
PRINCE HENRY
38 Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art
39 uncolted.
FALSTAFF
40 I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse,
41 good king's son.
PRINCE HENRY
42 Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?
FALSTAFF
43 Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent
44 garters! If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I
45 have not ballads made on you all and sung to filthy
46 tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: when a jest
47 is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.
FALSTAFF
49 So I do, against my will.
POINS [Coming forward with Bardolph and Peto.]
50 O, 'tis our setter: I
51 know his voice. Bardolph, what
52 news?
BARDOLPH
53 Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards: there 's
54 money of the king's coming down the hill; 'tis going
55 to the king's exchequer.
FALSTAFF
56 You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the king's
57 tavern.
GADSHILL
58 There's enough to make us all.
PRINCE HENRY
60 Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane;
61 Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they 'scape
62 from your encounter, then they light on us.
PETO
63 How many be there of them?
GADSHILL
64 Some eight or ten.
FALSTAFF
65 'Zounds, will they not rob us?
PRINCE HENRY
66 What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?
FALSTAFF
67 Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather;
68 but yet no coward, Hal.
PRINCE HENRY
69 Well, we leave that to the proof.
POINS
70 Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge:
71 when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him.
72 Farewell, and stand fast.
FALSTAFF
73 Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.
PRINCE HENRY [Aside.]
74 Ned, where are our disguises?
POINS [Aside.]
75 Here, hard by: stand close.
FALSTAFF
76 Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I:
77 every man to his business.
First Traveller
78 Come, neighbor: the boy shall lead our
79 horses down the hill; we'll walk afoot awhile, and
80 ease our legs.
Travellers
82 Jesus bless us!
FALSTAFF
83 Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats:
84 ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they
85 hate us youth: down with them: fleece them.
Travellers
86 O, we are undone, both we and ours for
87 ever!
FALSTAFF
88 Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone?
89 No, ye fat chuffs: I would your store were here! On,
90 bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must
91 live. You are grandjurors, are ye? we'll jure ye,
92 'faith.
Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt.
Enter the HENRY and POINS [in buckram].
PRINCE HENRY
93 The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou
94 and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it
95 would be argument for a week, laughter for a month
96 and a good jest for ever.
POINS
97 Stand close; I hear them coming.
FALSTAFF
98 Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse
99 before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two
100 arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's
101 no more valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck.
PRINCE HENRY
102 Your money!
As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins
set upon them; they all run away, and Falstaff,
after a blow or two, runs away too, leaving the
booty behind them.
PRINCE HENRY
104 Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse:
105 The thieves are all scatter'd and possess'd with fear
106 So strongly that they dare not meet each other;
107 Each takes his fellow for an officer.
108 Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,
109 And lards the lean earth as he walks along:
110 Were 't not for laughing, I should pity him.
POINS
111 How the rogue roar'd!