Twelfth Night: Act 1, Scene 3
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA.
SIR TOBY BELCH
1 What a plague means my niece, to take the death
2 of her brother thus? I am sure care's an enemy
3 to life.
MARIA
4 By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier
5 a' nights: your cousin, my lady, takes great
5. a': of. cousin: kinswoman.
6 exceptions to your ill hours.
SIR TOBY BELCH
7 Why, let her except, before excepted.
7. except, before excepted: Toby is playing on the legal phrase exceptis excipiendis. MARIA
8 Ay, but you must confine yourself within the
9 modest limits of order.
9. modest: moderate. order: orderly conduct.
SIR TOBY BELCH
10 Confine! I'll confine myself no finer than I am:
10. I'll confine myself no finer: As he says, the clothes he's wearing are good enough to drink in.
11 these clothes are good enough to drink in; and so
12 be these boots too: an they be not, let them hang
12. an: if.
13 themselves in their own straps.
MARIA
14 That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard
15 my lady talk of it yesterday; and of a foolish
16 knight that you brought in one night here to be
17 her wooer.
SIR TOBY BELCH
18 Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?
18. Aguecheek:
.
. MARIA
19 Ay, he.
SIR TOBY BELCH
20 He's as tall a man as any's in Illyria.
20. tall: valiant, as in "standing tall."
MARIA
21 What's that to the purpose?
21. that: i.e., Aguecheek's height (Maria is being sarcastic).
SIR TOBY BELCH
22 Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.
MARIA
23 Ay, but he'll have but a year in all these ducats:
23. he'll have but a year in all these ducats: he'll spend all of his money in a year.
24 he's a very fool and a prodigal.
SIR TOBY BELCH
25 Fie, that you'll say so! he plays o' th'
26 viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four
26. viol-de-gamboys: viola da gamba (literally, "leg-viol").
27 languages word for word without book, and
27. without book: from memory.
28 hath all the good gifts of nature.
28. good gifts of nature: natural abilities.
MARIA
29 He hath indeed, almost natural: for besides that
29. natural: idiotic, retarded.
30 he's a fool, he's a great quarreller: and but that
31 he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he
31. allay the gust: decrease the gusto.
32 hath in quarrelling, 'tis thought among the
33 prudent he would quickly have the gift of a grave.
SIR TOBY BELCH
34 By this hand, they are scoundrels and subtractors
34. substractors: (Sir Toby probably means "detractors.")
35 that say so of him. Who are they?
MARIA
36 They that add, moreover, he's drunk nightly in
36. They that add: Maria is punning.
37 your company.
SIR TOBY BELCH
38 With drinking healths to my niece: I'll drink to
39 her as long as there is a passage in my throat and
40 drink in Illyria: he's a coward and a coystrill
40. coystrill: knave, punk.
41 that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn
42 o' the toe like a parish-top. What, wench!
41-42. turn o' the toe: spin. 42. parish-top: a spinning top.
43 Castiliano vulgo! for here comes Sir Andrew
43. Castiliano vulgo!: Perhaps "Talk nice to him!"
44 Agueface.
44. Agueface: (Toby's mistake for, or mockery of, "Aguecheek.")
Enter SIR ANDREW.
SIR ANDREW
45 Sir Toby Belch! how now, Sir Toby Belch?
SIR TOBY BELCH
46 Sweet Sir Andrew!
SIR ANDREW
47 Bless you, fair shrew.
MARIA
48 And you too, sir.
SIR TOBY BELCH
49 Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.
SIR ANDREW
50 What's that?
SIR TOBY BELCH
51 My niece's chambermaid.
51. chambermaid: lady in waiting, companion.
SIR ANDREW
52 Good Mistress Accost, I desire better
53 acquaintance.
MARIA
54 My name is Mary, sir.
SIR ANDREW
55 Good Mistress Mary Accost, —
SIR TOBY BELCH
56 You mistake, knight; 'accost' is front her,
57 board her, woo her, assail her.
SIR ANDREW
58 By my troth, I would not undertake her in
59 this company. Is that the meaning of 'accost'?
MARIA
60 Fare you well, gentlemen.
SIR TOBY BELCH
61 An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou
61. An thou let part so: if you let her just leave.
62 mightst never draw sword again.
61-62. thou mightst never draw sword again: i.e., you can't claim to be a real man.
SIR ANDREW
63 An you part so, mistress, I would I might
64 never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you
65 think you have fools in hand?
MARIA
66 Sir, I have not you by the hand.
SIR ANDREW
67 Marry, but you shall have — and here's
68 my hand.
MARIA
69 Now, sir, 'thought is free:' I pray you, bring
69. "thought is free": i.e., everyone is entitled to her own opinion.
70 your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.
SIR ANDREW
71 Wherefore, sweet-heart? what's your
72 metaphor?
MARIA
73 It's dry, sir.
73. dry: thirsty. (And a dry hand signifies impotence.)
SIR ANDREW
74 Why, I think so: I am not such an ass but I can
75 keep my hand dry. But what's your jest?
74-75. I can keep my hand dry: i.e., I know to come in out of the rain.
MARIA
76 A dry jest, sir.
76. dry jest: subtly ironic witticism (as in "dry wit") and/or stupid butt of a witticism (as in "you are a joke").
SIR ANDREW
77 Are you full of them?
MARIA
78 Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends: marry,
78. have them at my fingers' ends: have at the ready.
79 now I let go your hand, I am barren.
79. barren: incapable of producing (any more jests).
Exit Maria.
SIR TOBY BELCH
80 O knight thou lackest a cup of canary: when did I
80. canary: sweet wine from the Canary Islands.
81 see thee so put down?
81. put down: mocked, defeated in a battle of wits.
SIR ANDREW
82 Never in your life, I think; unless you see canary
83 put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more
83. put me down: make me drunk and stupid.
84 wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has: but I
84. Christian: i.e., average Joe.
85 am a great eater of beef and I believe that does harm
86 to my wit.
85-86. great eater of beef and I believe that does harm to my wit: A common idea of the time, echoed in the modern insult, "meathead."
SIR TOBY BELCH
87 No question.
SIR ANDREW
88 An I thought that, I'ld forswear it. I'll ride home
88. An: if. I'ld forswear: I would give up. it: i.e., eating beef (Sir Andrew doesn't really think that eating beef makes him stupid.)
89 tomorrow, Sir Toby.
SIR TOBY BELCH
90 Pourquoi, my dear knight?
SIR ANDREW
91 What is 'Pourquoi'? do or not do? I would
91. Pourquoi: Why? (French).
92 I had bestowed that time in the tongues that
92. bestowed: given. the tongues: foreign languages.
93 I have in fencing, dancing and bear-baiting.
93. 
bear-baiting:
bear-baiting: 94 O, had I but followed the arts!
SIR TOBY BELCH
95 Then hadst thou had an excellent head of
96 hair.
SIR ANDREW
97 Why, would that have mended my hair?
97. mended: improved.
SIR TOBY BELCH
98 Past question; for thou seest it will not
99 curl by nature.
SIR ANDREW
100 But it becomes me well enough, does't
101 not?
SIR TOBY BELCH
102 Excellent; it hangs like flax on a distaff;
102. flax on a distaff:
103. huswife: housewife; also hussy, whore. 104. spin it off: Loss of hair was a sign of infection with an STD.
103. huswife: housewife; also hussy, whore. 104. spin it off: Loss of hair was a sign of infection with an STD.
103 and I hope to see a housewife take thee
104 between her legs and spin it off.
SIR ANDREW
105 Faith, I'll home tomorrow, Sir Toby: your
106 niece will not be seen; or if she be, it's four
107 to one she'll none of me: the count himself
107. the count himself: i.e., Orsino.
108 here hard by woos her
108. here hard by: nearby.
SIR TOBY BELCH
109 She'll none o' the count: she'll not match above
109-110. not match above her degree: not marry her superior.
110 her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I
110. estate: fortune, social position.
111 have heard her swear't. Tut, there's life in't,
111. there's life in't: i.e.,there's still hope that you can win her.
112 man.
SIR ANDREW
113 I'll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' the
114 strangest mind i' the world; I delight in masques
114. masques: masquerades.
115 and revels sometimes altogether.
115. revels: partying.
SIR TOBY BELCH
116 Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?
116. kickshawses: trifles, elegant amusements.
SIR ANDREW
117 As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the
118 degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare
119 with an old man.
117-118. under the degree of my betters: except for those who are better. old man: i.e., more experienced man.
SIR TOBY BELCH
120 What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
120. galliard: a fast dance with a lot of tricky steps, including capers.
SIR ANDREW
121 Faith, I can cut a caper.
121. cut a caper: make a lively leap.
SIR TOBY BELCH
122 And I can cut the mutton to't.
122. to't: to go with it (Capers were and are used in condiments. Also, "mutton" can mean "whore").
SIR ANDREW
123 And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong
123. back-trick: backward step or kick in the galliard.
124 as any man in Illyria.
SIR TOBY BELCH
125 Wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have
126 these gifts a curtain before 'em? are they like to
127 take dust, like Mistress Mall's picture? why dost
127. take dust: gather dust. Mistress Mall's picture: perhaps a painting with a protective curtain.
128 thou not go to church in a galliard and come home in
129 a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not
129. coranto: a running dance.
130 so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What
130. make water: pee. sink-a-pace: dance like the galliard.
131 dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in?
132 I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy
133 leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
133. star of: astrological sign favorable to.
SIR ANDREW
134 Ay, 'tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a
134. indifferent: moderately (Sir Andrew is proudly modest).
135 flame-coloured stock. Shall we set about some
135. stock: stocking.
136 revels?
SIR TOBY BELCH
137 What shall we do else? were we not born under
138 Taurus?
138. Taurus: the second sign of the Zodiac.
SIR ANDREW
139 Taurus! That's sides and heart.
139. sides and heart: (Sir Andrew is wrong; Leo governs sides and heart.)
SIR TOBY BELCH
140 No, sir; it is legs and thighs. Let me see the
140. legs and thighs: (Sir Toby is right, but Taurus is more commonly associated with neck and throat, appropriate for drinkers.)
141 caper; ha! higher: ha, ha! excellent!
Exeunt.